A Story About Cake

This is going to be a terrible tease for anyone who is dying for this recipe. I'll tell you now--I don't have it. Now, that's settled.

Once upon a time, there was a blushing bride to be who had just learned that she could not eat cake. Whenever she felt sad about all of the cakes that could have been, she looked down at the new shiny hardware on her 4th finger on her left hand, and her mind soon wandered to things other than confection. One day, when this young woman was fretting about how she would possibly serve her wedding guests cake when she could not appropriately taste said cake to ensure its overall decadence, a dear friend offered to make her a gluten free wedding cake, though she had never really baked gluten free goods. The young lady was in what we like to call "delegating mode" and squealed and jumped up and down to display her utmost enthusiasm for a homemade gluten free wedding cake and the most generous offer of her friend, hereby referred to as "Gluten Free Cake Fairy Godmother" or "GFCFG" for short.

GFCFG, undaunted by the grand task of whipping together a delicious cake that didn't taste like dirt or have the consistency of a brick, got straight to work and spent a great many weekends laboring over newfangled flours from far away lands, such as teff, amaranth, tapioca, and millet. A chickpea or two even made their way into her KitchenAid mixer. She brought chocolate cakes and flourless cakes and carrot cakes for the blissful couple to taste. All were scrumptious, but something was always missing. The couple and GFCFG feared they would all get quite plump before the wedding from all of the cake testing. Until, one day, weary from months of baking, GFCFG mixed the perfect amount of pineapple and teff flour and grated carrots together, topped it all with cream cheese frosting, and the couple excitedly ate every bite, proclaiming it the very best cake they had ever tasted. And so it was that GFCFG painstakingly read her multitude of notes in the margins of her original recipe and baked a beautiful three tiered cake for the nuptials. Those wedding guests who were lucky enough to taste this marvelous cake called the bride for months following the wedding, begging for the recipe. The blushing bride looked longingly in her ice box at the perfectly wrapped cake, waiting for the one year anniversary when she could delicately peel back the layers of wrapping and daintily eat a bite of the most spectacular cake. GFCFG searched through moving boxes for the recipe with her hand written notes and has promised the blushing bride the recipe in return for her first born child.

And they all lived happily ever after.